was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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