I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
3pm strippers are depressing
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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