I'm eating all of the evidence.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
