Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
