i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
