were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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