Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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