Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
