6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
