just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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