Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize