i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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