She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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