i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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