After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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