About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
