so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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