Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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