who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
