VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
