I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need a beard to bite.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
