ugly people sure do ruin things
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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