I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What drink are we having for lunch?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
