it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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