I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
