there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my god I love twenty year old dicks
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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