I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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