I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
