Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
