He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
