Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
