operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
