It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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