the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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