I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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