the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
