i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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