We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
