We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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