.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
