If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
