5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
