what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
