moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize