I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
