the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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