once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize