She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
