If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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