I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
