On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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