I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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