you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
zippers are such a cool invention
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
