It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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