im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
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In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
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he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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