I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
