i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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