A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
