you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Found the puke drawer
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
