things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
