you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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