I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
