Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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