So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
