Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
